3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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