Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
