four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
