I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
