like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
