i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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