I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
