Duck Duck Cougar?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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