when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
