Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
