how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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