"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
