update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You need a sexual gate keeper
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
