Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
