Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
