2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
