drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
