I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
