The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
