those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
