I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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