so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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