Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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