I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
