I am puke
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
