Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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