I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
