can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
