I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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