I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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