I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
