Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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