he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
