I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
