...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
