Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
