Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
