My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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