Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
