Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
