Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
