i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
