I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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