well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
