I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
