I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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