When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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