look no pants
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They took my balls.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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