Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
