i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
