the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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